Reflections of a Friend

“Some people are fortunate enough to meet someone special in their lives who, even though each may follow his separate way, continue to share a lasting friendship. The special times spent together, the people and places shared, are memories both will always have. They are the people remembered always, who live in the heart no matter what – always just a thought or phone call away even if the years have come between. This is for you my special friend, given with a special kind of love. Thank you for all the times in my life that you were such a vital part, and for being the unique essence of our lasting friendship.” – Cammie Charles

Last Wednesday the kid’s school held a special evensong ceremony for the dedication of the Amanda Muse Neuhoff Lower School Chaplain position. As part of that ceremony, Amanda’s great friend, Shannon Newsom, shared some reflections about Amanda. Shannon has been kind enough to let me post them here.

The Establishment of the Position of the Amanda Muse Neuhoff Lower School Chaplain 

The Episcopal School of Dallas, All Saints Chapel on April 27, 2022

Reflection from a Friend: Shannon Newsom

And now in the Name of our Loving God –

Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  Amen

I am honored and humbled to stand before you this evening. 

Thank you, Byron and Charlie. Doc and G.  Tommy and Judy, and the extended Neuhoff and Thomas families.  

And, thank you, to ALL the friends and family of Amanda (FOAs, as G calls us) gathered here. 

I’d like to take just a few minutes to reflect together on the genesis of the dedication and the naming of the Amanda Muse Neuhoff Lower School Chaplain.

There are several reasons why this naming is such a fitting tribute for Amanda and her indomitable spirit – her bright, bright light.  

At her core, Amanda was a connector of people.  She wanted us to “circle up” and “shine bright,” together. She wanted “her people” to know “her other people” so everyone belonged and had a place at her table. 

When most of us would have turned inward and focused on ourselves (our illness, treatment, limitations), Amanda was looking out, thinking about us. Loving us. Showing us the WAY.  Giving us HOPE.  Pointing to Christ.  

In her time of greatest need, she shone the brightest. And it was a choice.  

She didn’t always feel like it, but she chose to shine – even on her bad days. And she showed us how to make that choice too.  In dying, she showed us how to live. 

She raced against the clock, it seemed, to love on us, connect us, and to show us where we shine bright. She did not lack for strong opinions and often reminded us, “This ain’t my first rodeo.” 

Amanda had a measure of spunk and sass, as you all know, which always kept things rolling and real – never “holier than thou”  or sanctimonious.  

She drew from a deep well of faith nurtured over many years by Doc and G; Byron and her kids; all her nieces and nephews and godchildren; the extended Muse, Neuhoff and Thomas families; and, her St. Michaels and ESD circles. 

Over the course of last year, we were all recipients of living water drawn from this deep well of hers.  Her connecting, life-giving spirit.   Her “unbroken circle” of family and friends. 

For me, part of this wellspring of life, came in the form of daily, early morning phone calls from Amanda as I drove east on NW Highway to work at St. John’s Episcopal School.   When I say morning, let me be clear, I mean early morning – like 6:00 a.m. or earlier.  

By that time, Amanda already had downed her 4^th cup of coffee and had talked to Devin in Charlotte, NC, and to Missy in Wyoming.    Nancy and I had the 6-6:30 CST slot as I drove to work. 

I am sure many of you had your time slots, too, whether it was walking Crocket on Saturday morning; writing thank-you notes late at night; working in the yard; helping with decorating projects; making and delivering meals; or bringing out the cheese tray to “pour something stiff,” since surely “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”  We all had our lanes. Somehow, Nancy and I never quite got the 5 o’clock slot. Maybe we are not fun enough?!

During our early-morning calls, the darndest thing happened:

In her time of greatest need, Amanda became our chaplain –steering Nancy and I (and many of you, too) through various obstacles and never deviating to talk about the giant one in front of her.  

She never missed an opportunity to raise us up and put a positive spin on things whether it was “this is greatness,” “you nailed it,” or… 

“Go be awesome.” 

Amanda left nothing to chance; found time for all of us; and ruled the world from her den sofa for ten months.  I think we all thought we were her best and most trusted friend and confidante.  And we were.   

Hers was, as Boff Goff famously has said, a LOVE that DOES.   Outward, other-focused. It was never about herself or her illness. 

In addition to our early AM “coffee and conversations,” we prayed together.  Amanda had this little black book of prayers that she got from Byron’s Aunt Dottie.  It is priceless:  Prayers for a Woman’s Day

As Amanda’s illness progressed, Nancy and I began to think about how we might honor Amanda.

Many of our morning conversations recalled raising children together at ESD – all the stumbles and pits and laughs.   

We remembered so fondly our LS chapel days – birthday blessings; bible stories in action with Officer Jay, Suzie Wheeler, Bonnie Tolleson and Zora Skelton; and the ever-infamous assistant chaplains and finest furry friends, Eve and Noelle.  

Amazingly, Amanda saved almost every Monday Morning Memo that came home in the ESD LS tote bag – each one sharing a grain of wisdom from Fr. Harmuth in his weekly Chaplain’s Corner.   On several occasions, Amanda sent Byron to the attic searching for the file of Memos to help me in my new role at St. John’s.  After several arguments and frustrating trips to the attic, Bryon finally unearthed the box with them and Amanda shared them with me. 

Again, rather than thinking about her illness, Amanda was thinking about someone else – me. 

There are many more examples I could give of Amanda’s selfless and sparkling spirit, but I will limit myself to coming back around to how we might honor Amanda with the establishment and dedication of the Amanda Muse Neuhoff Lower School Chaplaincy. 

This idea resonated with me and Nancy as well as with Byron, Jack, Scott, Cleo Charlie and the extended family.   And it ties together three important things:

• Amanda’s own faith and commitment to spiritual formation of young people
• Amanda’s affinity for traditions, celebrations, rituals and gatherings such as this one. 
• Amanda’s love for family and friends. 

Her BIG love.

We can’t fathom a better way to pay tribute to our beloved friend.  

And, right now, we know she is wheels off in heaven with Clifford –smacking gum, playing tunes, dancing, and telling all of us to –

“SHINE BRIGHT, people!”

Hers was the biggest smile, biggest spirit, brightest light, THE biggest LOVE.   

As Byron recently shared with us in one of his beautiful posts, Amanda gave us “the hope of a better tomorrow for our children and the possibility of what we can build together.”

We honor and love you, Amanda.   

Dream Big. 

Sparkle More. 

Shine Bright. 

AMEN. 

Go Be Awesome.